It’s been almost 6 years since I was diagnosed with MS!! In the past couple months I was able to brew the perfect storm to stir up all those old fears. Don’t worry, this has a happy ending, because I had a secret weapon this time… the NEW me! As a reminder, when I got diagnosed 5 ½ years ago, it rocked my world. I went right into a fear spiral and I was going to become the best patient on the planet. Little did I know that I was about to embark on the journey of my life… Life was asking me to participate, but I had worked so hard to numb up so that I wouldn’t have to take part.
Fast forward through MANY healing modalities, many healers, many doctors, many struggles, and a LONG search trying to find that ‘someone’ or ‘something’ to fix me. Little did I know that I WASN’T broken. I had just forgotten what I know.
The perfect storm started with a fall going up the stairs with my hands full, and I fell on an art kit. My body hasn’t experienced any trauma since I was diagnosed and this was a shock to my whole system. After going to my chiropractor a couple times, I developed dizziness that was enough to send me into a full blown panic. Is it MS? Is this where I freak out? Even though I was terrified and confused and sad, looking at my reaction in hindsight… I am proud!
Here is the formula I embarked on.
On the physical level I got input from
- Urgent care “if this shot doesn’t relax you in the next 10 mins, drive yourself to the hospital because we may be dealing with a blood clot.”
- My beautiful chiropractor…we had discussions about me realizing that I came into her giving my power away… “I don’t know what is wrong with me, fix me.” Without my participation, she treated me the best that she knew, but it was too much for my body to handle.
- Lots of tears and fear with Jake.
On the mind level
- Checked in with all the emotions that were coming in and honoring them.
- What are we facing as a family that I don’t want to look at? We were extremely busy and had been with everyone’s schedule for quite some time leading up to this… which means that Jake and I weren’t as connected as we would have liked.
- Finding stress in our lives and facing it.
On the Soul Level… I feel like I should define a metaphysical timeout first here. (A glimpse into the possibilities through the imagination. Is there a fresh look that you could take that the mind and the body haven’t seen beyond yet? Go into your imagination to see what is possible for your life. Why not use an imagination that inspires instead of one that defines. Using it for the good, not the dark side. A spiritual explanation. Looking within instead of outside yourself.)
- Bodytalk energy work with my friend Shannon. She says that it’s not linked to MS.
- Countless calls with wise friends and processing with strangers as well.
- Finding wisdom within through my rat getting a tumor and being about to see that it was him taking my fear (this one will need more explaining in another entry).
- A session with a psychic at New Renaissance Bookstore. (She said that it wasn’t related to MS and that my nervous system was doing some healing and that I was letting go of ALL sorts of old beliefs that weren’t serving me.)
- The weather started to reflect what I was feeling on the inside (sorry for all the rain and the CRAZY ice storm).
- Guidance from animals.
- Picked up some stones at a new age store.
Needless to say, I am out of the woods now and I am able to see with great clarity that our life (and my life) was out of balance. There were decisions that needed to be made that I was ignoring. Our family wanted change but didn’t want to do the work that comes with it, not to mention the uncomfortable feeling of change. I had come to a crossroads of the person I used to be and the wise woman I have finally found.
They say, “two things have to separate first before they become one.” A friend told me this and I am grateful for the dizziness that brought up the fear that I was SO ready to let go. Thank you for the fresh perspective on crisis and that I can choose another way in my life. Thank you to all the amazing people in my life that helped me through this difficult part of the journey!