Tré (my oldest off at college) left me a Marco Polo (video message app) message last night about having conversations around his beliefs with new friends. He is coming up against their beliefs and realizing that he thinks differently, and there is some discomfort in not feeling like he doesn’t fit into the norm.
As I have shared before…I grew up with very strong labels and lots of comfort, not much curiosity. You either believe what I believed and we were fast friends that understood each other, or you had different beliefs and I would label or judge you.
I broke up with Norm years ago and Jake and I have been very conscious of raising our kids with curiosity and the courage to seek answers from within. My goal as a parent the last 10 years is to help keep them attached to their own knowing and wisdom. Tré is definitely having more and more awareness that he may have been raised differently from the norm and my hope is that he stays curious and begins to explore what he believes, instead of the default answer of “my family and I believe …”. There is both, pride in him staying attached to his curiosity, and discomfort in not giving him the comfort of, ‘what we believe”.
Tools I would like to instill with him in this exploratory time…
-Stay with your growth-mindset. Have the courage to ask more questions.
-There is freedom in not knowing, ‘knowing’ can create more fear than anything.
-You have the answers within (for you and only you).
-It’s ok to have a difference in beliefs. There is possibilities to share and learn from one another when you have empathy, compassion, curiosity and respect in the conversation. I continue to choose a growth mind-set no matter how uncomfortable and I hope to continue to be a positive example for my kiddos. Thanks for the lesson Tré.